People Change . . .

My favorite color has always been lavender.

I don't remember when I first made this decision. I like pink - probably will forever - but there was something about lavender that just spoke to me. It was softer than purple, a little more unusual, and it felt pretty and feminine and just right. I can't remember a time when it wasn't my favorite.

The other day I was experimenting with backgrounds in my Gmail account. I have a couple of accounts and I use them for different things. I figured I'd change the background of each to help me mentally separate them. One is a bright blue with green leaves. One is just the regular setup. And my most-used account is lavender.

And I discovered something. 

I don't like lavender anymore.

It reminds me of a person I used to be, not the person I am now. When I look at it, I feel limited, like I'm being dragged backwards into my old faults and into people's old expectations of me. It's like the ghost of a former Tristi when there's a new Tristi right in front of us, a more confident, wiser Tristi.

Isn't it weird how a color can do that?

So I'm changing the color of my e-mail account. I haven't decided what to use instead - there are a lot of choices. But I'll chose something that feels like progress.

And you want to know something? I've chosen a new favorite color.

Eggplant. 

This is who I am now.

And in twenty years, I'll probably change my mind again, and that's all right, because it means that I've grown again, which is how it should be.