I've had a really rough last two days, the kind that have made me cry and wonder why I keep trying so hard, why I continue to persist even when it seems like no one is listening. No, it's nothing major, mostly just children who won't stop fighting and have my nerves wratcheted up to an unbearable pitch. It's at times like this that I wonder if I really knew what I was doing when I signed up for this whole motherhood thing - and I realize that if I did know, I would have done it anyway.
I went out for the evening, feeling rotten, so glad to get out of the house and let Daddy deal with the punching and the whining and the never-ending demands for a little while. As I drove, I tried to put myself back into an eternal perspective and remind myself that down the road, all of this will have led toward a happy ending, that my children really won't kill each other (even though that seems like their goal right now) and that someday I'll chuckle when I look back on this. Yeah, the little pep talk wasn't helping much, so I flipped on the radio. Playing was "Blessed" by Elton John. Here are the lyrics:
Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed
I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed
I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed
Of course, this is a song to an unborn child. But as I listened to the words, it came to me very strongly that this is how our Heavenly Father feels about us. We have all this untapped potential, and He wants to give us the very best of everything. He wants to pick stars out of the sky for us, and He has promised that if we keep His commandments, we will be blessed. It's a promise.
I've seen this happen time and again in my life, where the stress becomes almost too great to be born just before we're given a tremendous blessing. Now my job is to be patient through the trial, wait for the conclusion, and know that I will be blessed, because He promised it.