Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

My friend Kimberly forwarded this e-mail, and I thought it was too good not to share.

In response to the question, "Why did the chicken cross the road . . . "

DR. PHIL : "The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems."

GEORGE W. BUSH: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here."

COLIN POWELL: "Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road."

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road."

JOHN KERRY: "Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it."

NANCY GRACE: "That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks."

PAT BUCHANAN: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American."

MARTHA STEWART: "No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs whenthe price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. "

DR SEUSS: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told."

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: "To die in the rain. Alone."

JERRY FALWELL: "Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends,that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that."

GRANDPA: "In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough."

BARBARA WALTERS: "Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road."

JOHN LENNON: "Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace."

ARISTOTLE: "It is the nature of chickens to cross the road."

BILL GATES: "I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This newplatform is much more stable and will never cra...reboot."

ALBERT EINSTEIN: "Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?"

BILL CLINTON: "I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? "

AL GORE: "I invented the chicken!"

COLONEL SANDERS: "Did I miss one?"

DICK CHENEY: "Where's my gun?"

AL SHARPTON: "Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens."

Hillary Clinton: "I have vast experience with chickens and if elected, I will ensure that EVERY chicken has the ability to cross any road they desire."


Kimberly said...

Bwahahahahah! I laughed...so...hard.

Jen said...

Oh, this is FUNNY!

Anne Bradshaw said...

What a laugh! Especially Colonel Saunders :-)

I think it crossed the road to get to the sidewalk.

Lisa said...

Those are GREAT!

Shanna Blythe said...

ROFL! That is SO GREAT! I think I may have to post this too!

Ronda Hinrichsen said...

So funny. So sad. So true. Is that Hemingway enough for you?

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

you should get josi, the chicken woman, to answer these! :)

Anna Maria Junus said...

These are hilarious.

But really the chicken crossed the road because her chicks were driving her crazy and she needed a break.

* wallflower * said...

LOL! Thanks for the laugh! This one's worth forwarding in email! :^)

carrie & troy keiser said...

HEHEHAHA this was good, thanks for sharing.

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