Time for me to get a little bit serious, if there really is such a thing for me.
I'm currently working through a book called "He Did Deliver Me from Bondage," at Karlene's suggestion. It's a wonderful workbook designed to go along with an LDS-style 12-step program, using scriptures from the Book of Mormon to illustrate the steps. The step I finished this last week talks about the importance of being honest about your situation. Well, okay -- I'm going to get honest about my situation.
I'm a food addict.
Now, when you read that, you might think, "Yeah, well, who isn't? What's the big deal about that?"
I'd like to share with you just what the big deal is, and some of the things I've learned along the way.
1. I thought it wasn't a big deal either. I mean, I'm only hurting myself, right? Wrong. By having this addiction, I'm setting a bad example for my children, especially my daughter, who has inherited my metabolism. I need to learn to work with my metabolism so I can teach her how to work with hers, so she can have a healthy life.
2. I didn't think it was a sin. Well, I was wrong on that, too. It's not murder, certainly, but:
a) when I turn to food for comfort, I am essentially making food my idol.
b) I am breaking the spirit of the Word of Wisdom.
c) we are told repeatedly that our bodies are temples. We generally think of this in terms of chastity, but it's equally as true for the overall care and nourishment of our bodies. By not taking care of my body, I have been defiling a temple.
d) when I try to deal with my issues myself (with food) I am rejecting the healing power of the Atonement in my life.
This all sounds a little harsh, but when I looked at it in this light and recognized the truth of it, it brought me a lot of peace at finally acknowledging the seriousness of the problem.
3. By letting my physical appetites control me, I'm numbing my spiritual appetites and consequently numbing my relationship to my Savior. It's only as I turn away from food as my comfort and turn toward Him instead that I can really overcome my problems.
4. I don't just want a mediocre relationship with God. I want to be worthy to walk with Him every day, and in order to do that, I need to let Him more fully into my life, in every aspect. President Faust once said that we have to be completely free from addiction in order to merit the Celestial Kingdom.
Now, I know that there's a difference between being willing to admit something and then being willing to blog about it, and I know I've chosen a pretty public forum to talk about this. I'm doing it here because I believe that the things I'm learning might be of benefit to others, and so I want to share them. I also believe in accountability -- if I chart my progress here, I'm less likely to backslide. Believe me, I really thought about keeping my journey a secret and then just walking into the Storymaker Conference in 2008 all skinny and suprising everyone. And then if I failed, no one would know any different. But that's the problem right there -- I gave myself an out. "No one will know if I don't really do it." What a cop-out!
So, every week I'm going to tell you how I'm doing. I'm also a contributing blogger to the Families.com weight loss blog every Monday, and I'll link you to that blog as well.
Okay, and here's the hardest part for me: here's my weight loss ticker. Deep breath . . . deep breath . . .
It was up higher, so I really shouldn't feel too bad, but I do, you know?
On the other hand . . .
I'm really rather proud of this one.
Okay, that's enough full disclosure for now. I'll check back in with my progress on Monday.