Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Frequently Asked Questions -- How Does Your Husband Feel About Your Writing?

I am asked this question frequently, hence, why I call it a "frequently asked question." Let's take it straight from the horse's -- er, husband's mouth, shall we?

Matt says: I like her writing. She tells stories much better than I could, and much more in depth, and even makes them more appealing to more people than I ever could. I certainly can't make myself cry with my own stories.

I'm proud of her. I'm glad that she writes, I approve of her writing, I like the fact that she's creative, and that she expresses herself. I also like that she's focused on something besides the home so she can be a person beyond the scope of the home.

Most often, the person asking me this question is a woman who wants to write but is worried that her husband won't like it. You would honestly be surprised how often I hear, "I have this dream, but my husband doesn't want me to pursue it." You may want to fasten your seatbelts because I have something to say.

1. Your husband does not control who you are or what your dreams are. If he's telling you that you can't pursue one of your dreams, he is exercising unrighteous dominion. It is not in God's plan for husbands to completely control every aspect of their wife's life.

2. You were given your dreams for a reason. God does not want us wasting our entire lives puttering around, dusting tables. Yes, housework is a necessary part of life, but it is not life. We are to look up and ahead, to have dreams and plans and aspirations. This is what makes life worth living.

3. Your job, as a spouse, is to not only encourage your loved one's ambition, but to support them in it. Years ago, a friend pointed me to the movie "Phenomenon." John Travolta's love interest made really uncomfortable chairs, and placed them for sale in various locations around town. He went around to those locations and bought the chairs, supporting her dream even though she had no idea he was doing it. If you love your wife, you will support her dreams.

4. What difference does it make if her passion does or does not make money? I have heard aspiring writers say, "My husband doesn't want me to write because it won't make any money." Is that what it all comes down to -- the almighty dollar? We should only do things if they make money? Well, how much money do you get for watching TV or playing computer games? It's not about money. It's about being fulfilled. It's about achieving something that will last. It's about validating that sparkle of life within that makes us unique in the first place. If everything came down to money in the end, we'd be no better than the money changers in the temple.

I would not thrive without writing. Writing makes me a better mother, better wife, better all-around person. My husband recognizes this and knows that if I don't get my writing time, I'm not content with my other roles. He gives me writing time. He supports me in my endeavors and is so proud of me. I would not be the woman I am without his support. And I say, if you want to write and your husband won't "let" you, it's time for him to get his head screwed on straight.


Stephanie Humphreys said...

Great post Tristi. I also have a super supportive husband who pushes me forward, even when I want to quit.

Marsha Ward said...

Amen and amen! My husband, bless his dear departed soul, was tremendously supportive of my writing, even when I stayed up so late at night that he tossed and turned without me in the bed.

It's not so much fun now, not having someone with which to share my enthusiasm when a scene goes particularly well.

Josi said...

Wonderful Post Tristi! I would add that you need to be equally supportive of him, and not become LESS of a wife, mother and homemaker because of your writing, and also involve him. Tell him what you're doing, read to him even if he's only agreeing to it because he's being polite. Much of his support will be a reflection of how much you respect him in regards to your writing.

And Matt is a Gem--I'd keep him if I were you.

Tristi Pinkston said...


Excellent point. It does go both ways and marriage is a team effort, after all.


Thanks for stopping by!


I'm so glad your husband was wonderful to you in the short time you were able to be together. I'm sure that makes his memory all the more sweet.

Shanna Blythe said...

YES YES YES! Thank-you for saying this!!!! It drives me crazy when I hear about husbands who just expect their wives to stay at home and not do anything else other than take care of the kids and clean.

And yes, it does go both ways. What is a marriage when we can't support our spouses in the things that make them happy?

Tristi Pinkston said...

My husband says that one of the things that makes him happy is spending time with me -- yep, he's pulling in serious good husband points this week.

Rebecca Talley said...

Excellent post. We do need to support each other and my husband is extremely supportive of my writing.

You made some great points, too, Josi.

Anna Maria Junus said...

Bravo! It drives me crazy when women say "My husband won't let me."

What do they mean their husbands won't let them? What she really means is she allows her husband to not let her. It's an easy out and a way to not take responsibility.

And believe me, I know what it's like to live with a controlling man.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...