So, It Has Come to This ...

As a quick reminder of the journey that is my life ...

I was malnourished growing up.  (http://tristipinkston.blogspot.com/2012/04/malnutrition-in-america.html)

I was born with several physical defects, including double scoliosis, a short leg, a tipped and rotated pelvis, and other stuff. (No blog link for that.)

I struggle with emotional eating, and gained until I reached 300 lbs. Then I lost 88 pounds.
(http://tristipinkston.blogspot.com/2011/10/tristis-weight-loss-journey.html)

Then I crashed into a semi. (http://tristipinkston.blogspot.com/2011/12/friday-nights-adventure.html)

Then I broke my foot. (Read about that in the first blog link.)

And then we had a problem. I was in a cast and couldn't cook from scratch for myself (standing on one foot that long is kinda dangerous), so my husband got me some frozen meals and I justified them. And I justified lots of other things, and the weight began to come back. (http://pushingpastthepounds.blogspot.com/2014/05/a-moment-of-total-transparency.html)

Are we all caught up now? Good? Okay.

Well, I recently moved, and between all the packing and cleaning and so forth, I've been working really hard. My hips have gone out a few times, but they've popped back in. Because I work at a computer, physical exertion doesn't happen a lot, so all this strain has been hard on my body. The house is only about 3/4 put together - a lot still to do.

A week and a half ago, I went to get out of bed, and my entire back screamed in agony. Flames licked up into my shoulders and down the backs of my thighs. My right hip was out, and had taken my lower back with it. I went to my doctor, who was able to do a lot but not all - the muscles were locked up and wouldn't release. He said we'd try again in a few days.

My back began to improve as I rested, and by yesterday morning, I thought we were good to go. But then last night, I was sitting in my chair and went to move slightly, and that awful pain zipped through my body again. My husband got me out of the chair and into my bed, where I stayed until he could get me in to the doctor again today. This time we did more diagnostics and tests and so forth, and the upshot is this - it appears that my body is trying to go crippled. He said lots of medical things that I don't remember because I was in so much pain (I'm sure my hubby remembers, but he's asleep). The poor condition of my skeletal system has finally reached its limits.

We have a treatment plan, including a lot of chiropractic, and I'm also going to be working hard to get my head right and lose the weight again, this time for the right reasons. Being in a wheelchair for the rest of my life is a real possibility if I don't let my body heal. In the meantime, I'm not allowed to do anything. I can't bend over, lift anything, cross my legs, sidestep, shimmy into a car, stand up wrong, sit down wrong, sit too long ... sounds exciting, huh?

Once this initial crisis is past, I will be doing gentle exercises. Those will be as I'm able. I am starting right away on getting the diet back under control. I can edit lying down, but I'm worried about getting my writing done. One thing at a time, one step at a time.

I'm telling you all this because I need accountability. Being immobilized is hard, and I hope we're out of this phase quickly. The weight loss ... Anyone who has ever lost weight can tell you that you've got to be totally in the game, and it's never just about food. Eating is our culture, both ethnically and in our families. It ties into our emotions and beliefs about ourselves. There's codependency and memories of unhappy times and survival issues. All this is wrapped up in my struggle.

So this is where I am right now. I'm back in the wheelchair for a short amount of time. Working to get my head right. Working to realize that I am worth any effort I put into me.

I'll be tracking my progress at www.pushingpastthepounds.blogspot.com. Join me there if you're interested.