A Bad Mommy Moment

Have you ever just had a day when something happens with one of your kids, and you find yourself saying stuff that your own mother said to you, and they're things you vowed you'd never say, because you know how much it hurt you, but then you're saying it, and you feel guilty and you wonder if your child is going to end up on Oprah, and you realize that you didn't end up on Oprah, but you wonder if maybe you should have, because therapy is really good sometimes, and maybe some therapy would have gone a long way, and if you'd had some, maybe you wouldn't be as messed up as you were, and you wouldn't turn around and wig out on your own child, and then you apologize, and then you realize the apology wasn't quite good enough, and then when you do it again, you realize just how much you really were in the wrong, and how much you blew things out of proportion, and you wish you could go back and react appropriately, but the opportunity is lost and all you can do is promise that child you'll try harder, and explain that you're fundamentally flawed, but that you'll never give up and never stop trying, and she says she forgives you, and everything seems to be back to normal, but you know it's not, because now you're hurting because of stuff that happened twenty-five years ago, and you don't want to unleash that on your own daughter, but you're absolutely clueless how to break patterns from the past because no one ever showed you how?

Yeah, that's the kind of day I'm having.