There are certain human rights that we have simply by virtue of being alive. We have the right to love and be loved, to be treated kindly, and to choose our attitudes regardless of our circumstances. There are additional rights outlined by the Founding Fathers, most simply, those of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We have the right to free speech and the right to bear arms.
Today, however, I would like to talk about a more fundamental right, one that is so fundamental, in fact, that it goes overlooked.
I refer to the right to go to the bathroom.
I have four children. They range in age from eleven and a half to three. They are homeschooled, and so, they are home throughout the day. I set them to their various tasks, and then I walk toward the bathroom. Unerringly, without fail, with startling predictability, someone will have a problem just as I disappear from sight, necessitating my return. Sometimes the problem is of an academic nature, and I can politely ask them to wait for five minutes. Other times, the problem is more of a my-brother-has-me-in-a-headlock-and-is-tweezing-my-eyebrows-with-his-fingernails sort of problem. Those I can't delay solving.
On those rare occasions when I actually do succeed in walking into the bathroom, like the sun rises in the east each morning, I hear the echoes of screaming within about forty-five seconds after my departure. Then I hear a voice outside the door. "Mooooom! He says he's going to eat me for lunch!"
I reply, "Is it possible for him to eat you?"
"If it's not possible, then why are you upset?"
"Because he said it. Tell him not to say it."
I love freedom of speech. It's what gives me the ability to say whatever I want to on this blog. I love our other basic human rights. I believe they are inspired and we should fight to preserve them. I just have one request -- that the right to use the bathroom, without interruption, be added to the list. If it were ever put to a vote, it would win by a landslide. Frazzled Parents of America, unite!