Need a Laugh Today?

My sister sent these over as an e-mail. I couldn't resist.

Save the whales! Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like . . . night.

On the other hand . . . you have different fingers.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever--so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and facing the wrong direction.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable . . . except from vending machines.

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.