Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Yesterday I was wrapping presents and humming to myself, which I do often, the humming, not the wrapping, and it's usually slightly out of tune although I kid myself that it's not, when I started listening to the words I was humming, not that I was humming words because that's actually not really possible, but I was thinking about the words that I would have been singing had I been singing instead of humming, and I had some deep thoughts, believe it or not.

So it's the first day of Christmas and he brings her a partridge in a pear tree. Is the tree potted? Let's say that aloud, together. A partridge in a potted pear tree. Perhaps the pot is spotted. A partridge in a spotted potted pear tree. A nice gift, rather, assuming she had a place to put a tree, which not everyone does. I remind you I live in a trailer. No room for a tree here.

Then the second day he brings her two turtledoves, and then another partridge in a pear tree. Was the first one not enough? Did the first partridge die and so he felt the need to replace it?

Well, the song continues until the eighth day, which is when things get a little strange. He brings eight maids a milking. One must assume there were cows involved, otherwise -- how could they be milking -- they would have to be "eight maids who previously milked and are now standing decorously" -- but the song says milking. So we get eight girls and eight cows and they're all busy at their chore. What good girls! But how do you give a human being to someone else, and how do these girls feel about being a gift? I'm sure they had hopes and dreams and desires of their own, but they've been made a present and so all that pretty much flies out the window. I really think this falls under some human trafficking laws -- it can't be legal.

At least they have company the ninth day, when not only the ladies dancing arrive, but more maids a-milking.

I really think the twelve drummers drumming have it the easiest. There are only twelve of them, but check it out:

By the time we're done, we have twelve partridges in pear trees.

Twenty-two turtle doves.

Thirty French hens.

Thirty-six calling birds.

Forty gold rings.

Forty-two geese a-laying.

Forty-two swans a-swimming.

Forty maids a-milking.

Thirty-six ladies dancing.

Thirty lords a-leaping.

Twenty-two pipers piping.

Twelve drummers drumming.

Now, doesn't it seem to you that if he really was her true love, he would have left it at some jewelry, a nice dinner out, and a dozen roses? Where is she supposed to put all this?


Kimberly said...

Oh Tristi, I needed that laugh. You are brilliant!

Karlene said...

Often wondered that myself. However, if you changed all those different gifts to BOOKS, now that, I'd find a place to put! :)

Tristi Pinkston said...

Karlene, I'm totally there!

Let's see . . .

Twelve books on writing
Eleven hardback suspense
Ten lovey-doveys
Nine books on temples
Eight nonfiction
Seven Dame Christies
Six John Grisham
Five Tristi Pinkstons!
Four J.K. Rowling
Three Austens
Two Louisa Mays
And a huge shelf to hold them all on.

Yep, I can make that fit. :)

Jen said...

LOL! This is cute.

I read on a blog the other day what the symbols in the song mean. Too bad I can't remember what they are or which blog it was on...

Tristi Pinkston said...

I hope you can remember soon, Jen -- now I'm all sorts of curious.

Karlene said...

Hi there. Just wanted to extend a special invite to all the Blogging Babes to participate in my Winter Reading Challenge. I'm hosting it over on my Inksplasher blog. It starts Dec. 22nd. Details on my blog.

~paulette said...

tehehehe... THAT was awsome!

and, of course, at the end of it all, she also had 40 cows.


Keeley said...

Hahaha, Tristi - you show us now the reason why you're a writer. What a talent. I love your "Twelve books of Christmas" =D

I can tell you where she puts it all: She must live in Harewood House. =D

You live in a trailer? I had no idea! How do you all squish in there? You must love each other very much. =)

Reminds me of Dawn who blew my mind by revealing that eight of them lived in 1000 sq ft. You both have my admiration for your organizational skills.

carrie & troy keiser said...

Oh, my that was funny! :D

Tristi Pinkston said...

Paulette, I hadn't thought about it, but yes, she would have 40 cows as well. I guess that would make her a 40 cow wife? Ha ha ha!

Keeley, our trailer is actually pretty roomy. It's a 17 by 72, with three bedrooms, and my room is quite large with a great bathroom and a deep tub to soak in. But still, no room for a pear tree. :) I can't imagine eight people in 1000 sq. feet. That's beyond my imagination.

East of Eden said...

I've never liked that song...but this had me laughing. Seriously, I';; take the gold rings and that's about it. Who wants, birds, cows, geese, hens, more women (unless your are a polygamist) and drums?

violetlady said...

Funny, funny -- and so clever!

Kristen said...

ah, you are hilarious! i must visit often!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...