Insecurity

I'm having a lot of deep thoughts today, but I'm going to try to lay them on you one at a time so as not to overwhelm the blog planet I'm attached to.

During my life I've known several people who have, for one reason or another, tried to make me feel like they were more important than I was. I'm a little sheepish to admit that for the most part, they succeeded. I never really did stand up for myself much when I was younger. I thought that being polite was next to Godliness, and that to offend someone was the greatest sin. I think that may have something to do with my Welsh heritage (you'll rarely meet more polite people) but I digress.

Just in the last year, I have run into all but one of these individuals, and I discovered the strangest thing. You remember the scene in the "Wizard of Oz" when Dorothy goes in to see the wizard and claim her promised reward, only to discover that he's just a man behind a curtain? I had the same experience with each of these people.

As I looked at them, I found myself detached and was able to see them in a whole new light -- as persons with insecurities, who had sought to foist themselves off on others in the hopes of appearing grand and glorious. I can reference another movie here -- "Labyrinth," when Sarah says to the Goblin King, "You have no power over me." That's exactly how I felt.

I'm not intimidated by these people any more. Instead, I feel sorry for them -- all that blustering and blowing, and it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference to me. I only wonder why I was given this gift of detachment now, and not earlier. Maybe I needed to grow up more. Maybe I needed to have this sense of overcoming, and I wouldn't feel this way if I had never fallen under their spell in the first place. Whatever the reason, I'm so glad I have this gift now.

In a way, I have to thank each of these people, for they did teach me something. It wasn't the lesson they'd hoped to put across, otherwise I'd be worshipping at their altars. But I can't say that I regret the experiences I had with them. I'm a better person now; I trust myself more, I am more confident, and I'm not afraid to stand up for myself. Those are hard-won lessons, but win them, we all must.